The Serenity Prayer Changed My Life

The Serenity Prayer Changed My Life

My life changed drastically six months ago while on a trip to Arizona. My husband, John, who is severely disabled and has been for nineteen years, accompanied me. We drove into the resort at which we had reservations for handicapped accommodations with excitement in anticipation of the wonderful time we were going to have for the next week. However, that excitement quickly changed to anger when I learned there was no way to get a wheelchair into our unit. No other unit was available. We were turned away from the inn.

Something in me snapped. I realized for the first time since my husband’s stroke on a deep, gut level, that I too was handicapped just as though I were sitting in that wheelchair. My anger and resentment rose to such a height, that I thought that I might be consumed by it. The target I chose for an outlet, unfortunately, was my husband, John.

I realized that I had always tried my best to keep our lives as normal as possible; but I had done so by fighting every step of the way to ensure my children and my husband would suffer as little as possible due to the effects of my husband’s stroke at the age of 43.

Suddenly, the Serenity Prayer, which my mother used to have a copy of framed on her wall, took on a new dimension for me. I realized I had not accepted our handicap. I had tried to control it. In some ways my denial of our situation had had some very positive effects. We did most of the usual stuff normal families do. However, the price I personally paid was too high. I put myself last and when any anger or resentment bubbled to the surface, I pushed it back down.
But by the time I was in Arizona, I was becoming tired of pushing down the anger and resentment; so what was I to do? The second part of the Serenity Prayer says: “Grant me....the courage to change the things I can...”

Yes, I had made a commitment to my husband 19 years ago to honor the vows we had made when we married that promised to love “in sickness and in health till death do us part.” However, I did not say anything about where I would honor that commitment.

I was raised in the country and have always been a nature lover. Living in a metropolitan area had been necessary when my husband worked and my children were in school. However, now at age 62, we had no need for living in a metropolis.

So taking a very big step, I followed the second part of the Serenity Prayer. We bought a place way out “in the sticks” in East Texas, 35 miles from the nearest medical facilities. My surroundings I could change. Accept our disability and change where we would live in our last years as disabled seniors. We sold our home of 25 years; a lovely 5 bedroom, 4 bath house in the “burbs” and bought a doublewide trailer house on 1.5 acres of land backed up to a game preserve and overlooking a lovely lake.

Now with my situation resembling a continuous camping trip with our house similar to a big, comfy, air conditioned tent, I can accept our handicap, be a good caregiver, doing so freely and more lovingly. In my “cathedral”, the wind in the trees, the songs of the birds and the rippling water are my choir. My minister is the ever present Becoming of Being. I am part of what God needs to be essential and likewise for me to be essential I need God.

I have named our little part of nature, Stepping Stones. Thanks to the Serenity Prayer, and in particular to its second part, I had the courage to leave the hustle and bustle of the place of my life in the city, and found the courage to change my surroundings and my attitude toward my situation.

I took the opportunity to live out my autumnal years, before my winter comes, playing amongst the last of fall’s leaves, rather than huddled before the comfort of a fireplace in fear of what is to come. I now look forward to years of joy, peace, and serenity in the country, surrounded by the nature I so love and from which I draw my inner strength to go about my chosen life’s work of care giving.